sick =[

very sick atm
how gay..
i worked 5 days straight.. even through christmas
i think thats prolly why
ahah
but good money during christmas and boxing day
im getting too carried away with money now

but yea.. sick now

my day off today..
and just home lying in bed..
ahah

anyway i hope some new shit comes soon
parties/outings
w/e
lol
lifes getting preh lame now..
cant wait till 2009
and i had a think about this..
all of 2008 was just random dramas for me
and that i pulled through 2008
im feel very achieveful.. (if thats word)

lifes life..

i had many thoguhts throughout the past 3-4 days..

the first thing..
ive been going out alot, meeting up with friends alot, but i also been working alot..
but the thing is, ive been missing out on alot of outings, and
it hit me.. that this will be the last days/times we will actually be togeher, and hang as a big group..
like after the new years eve party.. or after new years, and when uni starts..
we wont be much together anymore.., there wont be those wild nights out, wont see some of the many funny people drunk, or see the funny things happen to people
its actaully quite sad
things will definitely drift, by the looks of it..
ah.. i shall cherish these moments
im gonna miss some of you’s
really, and not in a gay way .

secondt hing..
university..
where will i be?
where do i go?
wll my parents are kool with things now, we are starting to be normal again, and trying to help much on my situation.
where will i be in 10 years time?
will i be the same guy.. doing the same job,
or will i be someone new, in a profession..
ahh it makes me so emo
oh well

—

these past few days have been preh kool..
last friday saturday and sunday was just work work and work..
preh normal shiet..
but on saturday.. finished work and got changed.. then went to the city..
went carols in the domain
man it was wierd shiet.., and crowded..
but the fireworks were exciting..
it brought up some things of the ‘end oft he year’ theme.. even though it wasnt end of the year..
many of the 2008 memories came flying by.. and wow, i made it through..

after that.. i went ushans house and slept over.
and the gay thing.. ushan put me and richard in a double bed
and he was doing gay shit to me.. yuck..
but yea. at night we had a d-n-m..
funny with him and this carmen chick..
but yea .. went through alot of things..

the next morning.. caught a bus straight to work
oh man i was tired
.

monday.. went shopping for gifts for parents
and thats bout it haah
preh lame..

today.. wasj ust work..
zzzz.

—

today at work.. they put on christmas carols through the airport speakers
man it made me sad..
it actually reminded me of my childhood and christmas
we use to be together as a family, and it was basically the same every year back then..
it was such good times. like, the little things that really made me happy, the fake santa stockings, with lollies in it, which i really waited for santa to come..,
my dad singing christmas carols to me
i dunno,, so many things..
but listening to carols really made me sad
so much has changed now..
i got work on christmas day..
my parents are just.. i dunno,
very lame, like christmas doesnt exist..
ahhh fuck i miss the old times

new years is gonna be even sadder
2008 is over
and all that we’ve/i’ve been through

oh well,
life moves on.

sixty something.

well what a hectic week its been.
im glad and dissapointed at the same time.

recounts:
monday.. - well, basically.. chilled at home..
went city with nics in the arvo.. nd thats basically it
tuesday.. - woke up at 5AM and met with bill/stephen nd kelvin to go paintball
fekk it was preh good, painful though lol
got shot in liek a 1m range.. and i have this huge bruise, which is also scarred.. and it was bleeding on the day
argh
and i have shit all over my back! lol
anyway, afte rpaintball .. the guys drove back, and stopped at maccas.. where these white boys in BMW’s wanted to start shit with us..
just as chris was about to do something.. they drove themselves off..
lol! .

then headed back..

and a little incident.. where john hit the back of chris’s car accidentally
it was kinda weird.. and was a lil worried for both of them
lucky it was a red light and they all reacted
and it was a small dent, so it was alrite

went pho for lunch .. then met up with everyone else at the city to play cod5..
had jap for dinner (OMG it was so good) and then went home.
preh kool day

wednesday.. - well the HSC results day..
got my results 6AM texted to my phone
i loled and went back to sleep
estimated the UAI to be _ _ . _ _
i prefer not to type it
anyway.. i was preh cut
then went back to sleep
after that.. met up with seano and went to ushans house
preh kool bbq!
played some wii/bball/poker/ps2
chilled out
and after.. went to the city to
’susan’s’ party.. (just popped up).. @ norita

preh kool
unlimited alcohol.. nd never been to a place with so many smokers
like every 5 ppl 4 smoked
and there were more girls that smoked that guys
so strange
it was preh kool.. i got a lil off with the alco later in the night

i guess that night took my mind off my results
after getting kicked out at 2am.. we went darling harbour and slept/chilled there
fuken hobos i swear LOL.
harbourside.. 9 ppl just lying down there sleeping
the security came and woke us up..but went to sleep again
preh awesome night

richard was gold..
drunk and vomited his whole kebab onto the table at norita
sooooo gross..
and yea.. he was gone that night

after that.. we basically went back home at 6AM.. ready for the ‘upcoming day’
thursday.. - so i slept when i got home.. at about 6:30.. and woke up at 11.. bcz ryan nd jared came over..
we chilled and played some guitar
and at night, went to desmonds dinner/18th party.
that was preh kool
“brazillian food”
interesting
then walked to this other place and had gelato
basically was a good night..

atm.. so damn tired
i received my final UAI today
cut to the max, and now finidng alternates
im disappointed, and my parents are too
but i am glad this year is over, and will look at starting something new

ill be copying something from garmons blog, because it is representing my exact feeling:

“For 12 years I’ve dreamt of success and something more. And although in the later years my expectations dropped a little I still retained a sense of hope. It took two seconds for me to realise that truth in my potential. My dreams are unachievable and I’ve nowhere left to go. My UAI is terrible and I’m feeling about as low as it is. Where did it all go wrong? How did it end up like this?

They say “it’s not the end of the world” and “things’ll be fine” but how the fuck should they know if they did good. I honestly expected much more from myself. Was I not committed enough? I tried, god knows I did but from what my results say it was obviously wasn’t enough. I tried so hard to catch up that I didn’t even understand what I was learning anymore.

So what’s left for me? I didn’t get into any of the courses I have a mild interest in. And if I do do something in university, it’s likely I’ll have little interest in it. Things are a blur and this post is so disconnected. I can’t and won’t enjoy my day. Perhaps it might even affect my week. I’m so happy for others. I’m envious but I’m glad they got what they got. They were rewarded for their efforts, I understand that. Congratulations to those people who got a decent score. It’s disappointing to hear someone say they failed and then hear them say they got 80+. Most especially when you tell them you got a 62. And now this number here will forever be associated with my failure.

Right now, I close my eyes and imagine my whole neighbourhood, as though in every house there resides a year 12 student. And from birds’ eye view I look down through their roofs. And in order they each stare at their computer screen before leaping with joy and running down to impress their parents with their UAI. This happens for about 10 houses before it gets to mine. I stare at my mark and put down the laptop before sitting on the side of my bed holding my head in my hands. And the camera moves onto the next house. Another satisfied student.

It doesn’t feel like the world but it does feel like the end of my life. This is first thing in my entire life that I have ever regretted. This moment in my life I will never look back on and laugh. How I wish just to be someone else right now, anyone in this world. Just so long as I don’t have to deal with the pain and anguish. Even lying in my bed trying to sleep hurts me. My chest feels heavy as if I’m about to cry but I don’t. I can’t. I won’t.” - Garmon

Thanks garmon.

awesome.

anyways outs

results soon

now resorting to weekly blogging
i guess i havent been bothered to blog much now days

monday to wednesday was just work.. work work work
usual shiet.. and missed bball on wednesday when veryone went
ushan richard and alvin bummed at my place that day.. till like 12 when i had to leave

thursday.. went on a spending spree
omg.
intended to spend like 100 dollars.. but spend like 250
stupid impulse buying.. i was only gonna buy another remote so i can play with friends.. but there was just so much shit around the store..
anyway bough
-wii remote
-wii nunchuck
-wii zapper
-house of the dead 2 & 3
-wii points card

so thats thursday
friday..
sean came over?
lol basically bummed the whole day..
played like 6 horus of wii
nd guitar jammed
chilled
and yea.. random day killer

saturday
got a call from a interested web client
and yea, asked me to do a business proposal for their website nd web marketing
so yea, i had to do a presentation, make handouts, make powerpoint, datasheets, information..
and lol! i started the night before..
procrastinator to the max
anyway, it was convincing
luckily there was only 2 guys listening to me, and they were quite slow with comptuers

and so, i landed the deal, for 800 bux.. signed the contract that ill do the whole job
i guess its not that bad, but 800 bux for such a big website, is cheap
it should be lik 3-4 K plus ahaha
and its like 5 weeks work?
not full time btw.. prolly only like 30-40 minutes a day job sort of thing
but yea i was preh happy that i got that

nxt up, caught a train to flemington..
met up with garmon/jas/sean/chris/billyn
and chris drove us to homebush.. then caught a train to the city?
thn LOL.. played 4 hours of COD..
and viray/leith/david nd shit were there
damn im shit at those games now.. get headaches
firstperson shooting
argh!

lol

turning wuss now

after that.. had KFC and went home

it was like 10 already

mann it was a random day

anyway today.. was just boring
played wii.. watched the dark knight on computer.. and nothing else?
fucken boring
trying to findt things to do now
and same with tomorrow

anyway, outs

the past 5 days

updation
well this is prolly just a recount
and the blog was rquested by alvin?.. bcz he was bored lol!

i guess i should blog, its been a while.

wednesday and thursday was just work work work. wake up in thee morning, get dressed and work.. come home at 10, slp,etc..
preh lame eh..
friday.. had a day off.. prh relaxing..
i got a wii game “battle of the pacific”.. got bored of it after a while..haha
and the game was created by the “history channel”
wtf! ..
but first person shooting

so yea that..
then at night.. 24 the movie premiere was on.. watched that.. till 11 haha

saturday.. fuck
had work at 5 AM.. got up at 3 LOL!
dad drove me to rockky and caught the 400

oh dang.. it was hard, i was so drowsy..
then FUCKEN funny
i had 2 missed calls from richard from “12:30 AM”
so i decided to be a dickhead and text him back at 5am
and he replied “hey go on msn”
i wtfed to th max
and laughed my ass off

so yea, he was lik, lets go luna park.. even more randomer
and so i finished my shift at 2 PM.., then my relatives picked me up to go to their place.. which was extremely close to ushans house..
went to ushans instead, and got a change of clothes..
and went to luna park!!
LOL!!!!
i was piss tired at that stage.
so caught a bus to city with ushan, met richard halfway through the bus trip.. thn met sean at the city.

and went to luna park..
went on most of the scary rides..
and thats bout it..
after that it was getting a lil late, so we caught bus back to city and went darling harbour
pancakes at the rocks
ZOMG it was good.. and i got so full

we lined up 20 minutes for that restarant
anyway, had that, and went back to the station at about 11
and guess what
sunday morning work at 5AM again
wake up at 3
etc
GG
and yes, i am here atm, DEAD.
sean came over after i finished work today..
jammed on the guitar..
played for lucy and priss over the internt/phone

and chilled..
had dinner and he left..
i spent the last 4 and a half hours on th computer
really got nothing to say
im bombarded with work/shit

taking my leave next wednesday, for a week
oh yea baby..
6 days of ultimat freedom..
looking at going interstate or something for that tim period

lol!

oh and rsults
10 more days
im gonna FUCKEN jump off a cliff
thats all thats been on my mind
oh well

anyways, im outs.

damn its starting to hit me

had a talk with huy
and guess whwat
results come in 15 days
FUCK

im feeling really shit bout this whole thing now
i mean how.. am i gonna react..
esp after the shit tests and results i been gettting
i already got cut from the rankings that were released a few days ago
it was all like 5-6th last
highest was like 6th last
jesus..

then when i get my result
ill be like
fuck
and my parents will be put down to the max
argh
gotta work out something..
arghhh

yestrerday.. went pool in the arvo with sean/bill/alison
and we won gaha
nd..
cruise last night was preh kool.. chilled.. danced.. food?
and yea preh gold haha
richard.. walking up to random chicks
hey wanna see my penis?
then asks steve if he wants to swim
nd fuk he looked drunk lol!!

but meh
some things didnt go very well on the cruise.. some ppl are just bitchy i guess
grahhhhhhhh
fuck

nyway i got work again tomorrow..
5 day weeks
but next week.. from thursday on i got 6 days off
its my leave haha
taken out already..
couldnt take more of this shit
prolly gonna quit after a few more weeks
might be going into teaching piano or something
45 per hour
jeeeeebus

anyway outs